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The term dominatrix is most commonly used to describe a professional dominant woman (or pro-domme) who charges money to engage in fantasy play with submissive clients, but in reality most dominatrices are not professionals, but lifestyle dominants. A lifestyle dominant is a person who is assertive and in control of their relationships both inside and outside the bedroom.

Women who engage in female domination recreationally are known as Dommes, Dominatrices, or simply Dominants, but are rarely referred to as Dominatrixes. A high percentage of dominatrices are lifestyle dominants, but some simply play the dominatrix role because it is a high-paying profession. The rates charged by professional dominatrixes vary depending on geographic location, skill and experience level, fame and reputation, activities requested by the client and physical appearance. Dominatrixes who have appeared in female domination videos tend to be well-known and can, therefore, command higher fees. Typical session fees range from $100 to $350 per hour in the United States, making them comparable to fees charged by attorneys. One such high-powered Dominatrix in Boston who has garnered great notoriety is Barbara Asher.

It is common for professional dominatrixes who are also lifestyle Dommes to have both paying clients and a "personal slave" or slaves, who are not paying clients. A personal slave will typically perform a Domme's housework and run errands for her. A personal slave may or may not live with his Domme. Most Dommes engage in sexual activity with personal slaves, but this is not always the case. Some Dommes limit the sexual activity to the slave performing oral sex on them, while others engage in the full gamut of sexual activities.

Most professional dominatrixes do not consider themselves to be prostitutes. The slogan "domination is not prostitution" is displayed on the web sites of many professional dominatrixes.

Professional dominatrixes differ from other women in the sex industry in that they come in all shapes and sizes and ages, while most other sex workers tend to be young and slender. There are professional dominatrixes who are heavier and in their 40s, 50s or even 60s. Most famous dominatrices (with a few notable exceptions) are professional dominants, since most other people's sex lives remain private.

The stereotyped image of a dominatrix is of a woman wearing a rubber catsuit and thigh-length boots with high heels. Many professional dominatrices do indeed wear similar outfits for their work in order to meet client expectations. However, for non-professional dominatrices, the question "what does a dominatrix wear" is best answered "whatever she likes".

A dominatrix or mistress is a woman who takes the dominant role in bondage and discipline, domination and submission and/or sado-masochistic sexual practices, which are commonly abbreviated as BDSM. The male equivalent is master. A common form of address for a submissive to a dominatrix is "Mistress" or "Ma'am". Note that a dominatrix does not necessarily dominate a male partner; a dominatrix may well have a female submissive.

The term domme is a coined pseudo-French female variation of the slang dom (short for dominant). There is confusion on its pronunciation, with some pronouncing it identically to dom and some pronouncing the final e as a second syllable, e.g. saying dom-MAY or DOM-may. It appears that more BDSM authorities prefer the first pronunciation (identical to dom), by analogy to one-syllable French-derived words like femme or blonde.

Many of the specific practices in BDSM are those which, if performed in neutral or nonsexual contexts, are widely considered unpleasant, undesirable, or disadvantageous. For example, pain, physical restraint and servitude are traditionally inflicted on persons against their will and to their detriment. In BDSM, however, these activities are engaged in with the mutual consent of the participants, and typically for mutual enjoyment. (Any "consent" may or may not amount to legal consent and represent a defence to criminal liability for any injuries caused).

This emphasis on informed consent and safety is also known as SSC (safe, sane and consensual), though others prefer the term RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink), believing that it places more emphasis on acknowledging the fact that all activities are potentially risky.

Dominant behavior

A dominant person enjoys controlling a submissive person. Reasons for this are said to include demonstrating skill and power, having ownership of another person, and being the object of affection and devotion. Domination may be the fashion in which the dominant feels most comfortable expressing and/or receiving affection. Service-oriented dominants would add that it is obviously useful to have the resources and abilities of another human at their disposal.

Of course, other known possible motives remain to be considered, including pleasure taken not only in sheer power, but in the suffering of others, thrill seeking in risk taking, and outright self destructiveness. That is why many in the BDSM community are concerned with establishing the motivations of those involved in an encounter and advise caution in making BDSM connections.

Submissive behavior

A submissive person is one who submits of their own free will and seeks to submit to another. Submissives vary in how seriously they take their position, training, and situation. Motivations for engaging in submissive behavior may include relief from responsibility, being the object of attention and affection, gaining a sense of security, showing off endurance, and working through issues of shame. Others simply enjoy a "natural" feeling when they are in the presence of their partner. What are known as service-oriented submissives may also have a deep seated desire to be "of use". Submissives also vary in the extent to which they engage in play, in how often they play, and even in whether they consider their role "play" at all.

Tops and bottoms

In BDSM, a top is a partner who takes the role of giver in such acts as bondage, flogging, humiliation, or servitude. The top performs acts such as these upon the bottom, who is the person receiving for the duration of a scene. Although it is easy to assume that a top is dominant and a bottom is submissive, it is not necessarily so.

The top is sometimes the partner who is following instructions, i.e., he tops when, and in the manner, requested by the bottom. A person who applies sensation or control to a bottom, but does so to the bottom's explicit instruction is a service top. Contrast the service top with the pure dominant, who might give orders to a submissive, or otherwise employ physical or psychological techniques of control, but might instruct the submissive to perform the act on him or her.

The same goes for bottoms and submissives. At one end of the continuum is a submissive who enjoys taking orders from a dominant but does not receive any physical stimulation. At the other is a bottom who enjoys the intense physical and psychological stimulation but does not submit to the person delivering them. It should be noted that the bottom is most often the partner who is giving instructions—the top typically tops when, and in the manner, requested by the bottom. However, there is a purist school of BDSM, for whom such "topping from the bottom" is incompatible with the retention of high ethical standards in the relationships wherein BDSM is practiced.

Within a sadomasochisic context, submissive is often considered synonymous with bottom. Others opine that a "submissive" is specifically pursuing a dominant/submissive power-exchange as a key element, whereas a "bottom" may or may not be interested (or even willing) to engage in that exchange. For the latter, some have proposed the "pitcher" and "catcher" (borrowed from baseball terminology) as more neutral terminology, with the "pitcher" delivering the sensation, the instruction, etc; and the "catcher" receiving what is "pitched."

Switching

Some practitioners of BDSM enjoy switching—that is, playing both dominant and submissive roles, either during a single scene or taking on different roles at different occasions with different partners. A switch will be the top on some occasions and the bottom on other occasions. A "switch" may be in a relationship with someone of the same primary orientation (two dominants, say), so switching provides each partner with an opportunity to realize his or her unsatisfied BDSM needs with others. Some individuals may switch, but may not identify as a switch because they do so infrequently or only under certain circumstances.

Safety

Some BDSM activities may be potentially dangerous if appropriate precautions are neglected. In particular, it is sometimes the practice that the submissive will complain of suffering or beg the dominant to stop, and that this will be ignored by the dominant. Therefore, one aspect to ensure safety is to agree upon a safeword. If the dominant and submissive are in a scene that causes unacceptable discomfort for one or both of them, a safeword can be uttered to warn the other of trouble and immediately call for a stop to the scene.

Many BDSM relationships involve a simulation of rape or other non-consensual acts. A dominant and a submissive may choose to pretend that the submissive is being raped or otherwise forced to do something unwillingly. Therefore, words like "No!" or "Stop!" are inappropriate as safewords, because a submissive playing the role of a victim would say these words as part of the scenario. The ideal safeword is a word or brief phrase (such as "scrambled eggs") that normally would not be spoken during a sadomasochistic act, and which therefore calls attention to itself by its own incongruity.

Some people in BDSM use multiple levels of safewords. For example, the safeword "yellow light" would be employed to indicate "You are approaching an intensity (or an activity) that I don't wish to experience; please take this scene in a different direction, or lower the intensity" while the safeword "red light" would mean "Please stop this and release me, right now."

In situations where the submissive's mouth is gagged, or the submissive is otherwise incapable of speaking without violating the fetish scenario, a non-verbal signal is used instead of a safeword. Typically this might be dropping a bell or ball, or uttering three high-pitched squeaks in quick succession.

In theory, a dominant is capable of ignoring a safeword. In the actual BDSM lifestyle, a dominant who acquires a reputation for ignoring safewords will experience increasing difficulty finding fetish partners.

Adequate care is prudent in bondage to ensure safety from injury. It is wise to invest in first aid training for all involved parties. For activities involving bodily fluids, hygienic precautions should be duly considered for avoiding the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

Various practices

BDSM may encompass practices such as erotic spanking, flagellation, such as flogging, paddling or whipping, or medical submission (i.e. a submissive partner submits to humiliating and/or painful medical procedures).

BDSM activities are practiced by people of all sexualities. Many practice their BDSM activities exclusively in private, and do not share their predilections with others. Others socialize with other BDSM practitioners. The BDSM community can be regarded as a subculture within mainstream society. Being involved in BDSM or dominant/submissive relationships on a regular basis is often referred to as being "in the lifestyle".

Some sources estimate the prevalence of BDSM behavior in countries such as the United States at around 5 to 10% of the adult population. While the stereotype of heterosexual BDSM is a male dominant and female submissive, the reality is almost evenly split between "maledom" and "femdom" couples.

Physiological

On a physical level, BDSM "sensation play" often involves inflicting pain, even if without actual injury. This releases endorphins, creating a sensation somewhat like runner's high or the afterglow of orgasm, sometimes called "sub space", which some find enjoyable. Some writers use the term "body stress". This experience is the motivation for many in the BDSM community but is not the only motivating factor. Indeed, a strong minority of BDSM participants (especially "submissives") may well participate in a scene they do not derive any physical pleasure from in order to provide their "Dominant/Master" with an opportunity to indulge their desires or fetishes.

In some kinds of BDSM play, the "top" (usually a dominant partner) applies sensation to the "bottom" (usually a submissive partner) by spanking, slapping, pinching, stroking or scratching with fingernails, or using implements like straps, whips, paddles, canes, knives, hot wax, ice, clothespins, bamboo skewers, etc. The sensation of being bound with rope, chains, straps, cling wrap, handcuffs or other materials can also be part of the experience. The tools of BDSM play encompass a wide variety of items from specifically designed implements to ordinary household items, known as "pervertibles."

A pleasurable BDSM experience is thought to depend greatly upon a competent top and the bottom attaining the correct state of mind. Trust and sexual arousal help a person prepare for the intense sensation. Some have even gone so far as to compare adept BDSM play to musical composition and performance, each sensation like a musical note. Likewise, different sensations are combined in different ways to produce the total experience.

Other points

BDSM may or may not involve sex of any kind.

BDSM may or may not involve sexual roleplaying.

How dominant or submissive a person may be in their regular life does not always determine their preferred role in BDSM play though many people do manifest these tendencies. Often people who express one role in their regular life, such as at work, strongly desire to express the opposite role within their sexual life, as a kind of release.

BDSM play often includes the psychological pleasure of fetishes.

Some BDSM players are polyamorous or are sexually monogamous but engage in non-sexual play with others.

A couple may engage in BDSM sexuality within an otherwise non-D/S relationship dynamic.

When there is abuse in the relationship, the dominant is not necessarily the abusive partner.

24/7 (BDSM): A relationship in which protocols are in place continuously.

Animal transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub entering the altered mindspace of a different species, typically a dog, pony or horse.

Abrasion: Using something rough (such as sandpaper).

Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop as these return to more everyday levels.

Age play: Usually referring to Daddy/daughter or Mommy/baby role play. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing relationship of Parent/child or Teacher/student.

Anal torture: The BDSM practice of inflicting pain on the anus.

Animal Play: The sub acts or dresses like an animal (puppy, pony, cow, etc.).

Auctioned off: Dom/me auctions off the Slave to the highest bidder (usually supervised and for temporary use).

Bad pain: Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Bad pain" is pain which is outside hard limits, non-mutual or non-valued, not wished for, and of limited or no value in this context.

BDSM: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism

Bottom: submissive or one who gives up control, or simply one who receives physical sensation from a Top in a scene.

Breath Control: The Dom controls the sub's breathing.

Butt plug: Much like a dildo, only shaped slightly differently. They come in a variety of sizes; some can vibrate.

Chastity: a form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the whim or choice of their partner, usually by means of a device (called a chastity belt or sometimes for men a cock cage) that prevents contact and is controlled by means of a lock by the partner.

CBT: Cock and ball torture

Collared: Submissive or slave who is owned (usually in a loving intimate relationship)

Collaring: The formal acceptance by a dom, of a sub's service. Also the Ceremony when a Dom commits to a sub (much like a wedding).

Consent: Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene

Consensual non-consensuality: A mutual agreement that within defined limits, or subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and commonsense, consent will be given as read without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their activities.

Contract: A written-out agreement between the Dom/me & sub. It can be either formal or non, and is usually written after much negotiation by the Dom/me and the sub, outlining what structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries to the relationship are agreed upon by the two . It is NOT legally binding but should be taken seriously.

DM: Dungeon Monitor, a person who volunteers to supervise the interactions between participants at a play party to ensure their safety.

Dom: Man who takes control (from Dominant)

Dominant (dom/domme) (also dominatrix)

Domme: Female who takes control (contraction of dominatrix)

D/s: Domination/submission

Dungeon: Usually referring to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space

Edgeplay: SM play involving blood, permanent marking, knives, or fire, sometimes with a greater risk of danger.

Endorphin rush: Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for the "high" people often get from activities such as sex, or high-risk sports, and is the body's response to heightened or intense experiences of certain kinds. BDSM activities, especially those incorporating a degree of sensation play often cultivate the endorphin rush as part of their "payoff" to the sub. But also see aftercare for the care needed to ensure that subdrop does not occur afterwards as the body returns to normal.

Erotic sexual denial: keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. Also see tease and denial and chastity.

Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in one object.

Fire play: Using flammable liquids to create quick, fleeting instances of flame on the skin of the bottom. Risk of injury is increased and the Top should be learned with fire play skills.

Genitorture: Torture of the genitals

Good pain: Good pain and bad pain are terms used lightheartedly by BDSM practitioners, signifying that whilst BDSM may include an element (often quite pronounced) of consensual pain, there is a purpose to it, and some pain is consented to and accepted whilst other pain is not. "Good pain" is therefore pain that is mutually agreed, desired or permitted by the submissive partner to be experienced, and seen by them as of enjoyment or value.

Golden showers: Urinating on, or being urinated on by, another person.

Gorean: A BDSM sub-genre based upon the rituals and practices created within the world of Gor in the erotic novels by John Norman.

Gunplay: The practice of including actual (or simulated) firearms into a scene.

Handkerchief codes: visible signs to indicate to others your area of BDSM interest

Hard limits: What someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable.

Harem: A group of subs serving one or more Dom/mes.

Impact play: Part of sensation play, dealing with impact such as whips and riding crops.

Infantilism: Parent/child or parent/baby role playing.

Knife play: Slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and points of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays a large part in the stimulus of the bottom.

Limits: What someone "won't" do or is hesitant to do

Masochism: Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure.

Masochist: Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually.

Mummification: Immobilising the body by wrapping it up, usually with multiple layers of tight thin plastic sheeting. Breathing and other safety measures must be appropriately taken care of, often by leaving the face (or at least the mouth and nose) open. Body temperature (maintained to an extent by movement) may also be affected so a warm environment and warm aftercare may be important. Mummification is often used to enhance a feeling of total bodily helplessness, and incorporated with sensation play.

Munch: A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a vanilla place. Sometimes this is a club. You might see an announcement like, "This weekend's munch is at Denny's"

Needle play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles of varying gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.

Newbie: Someone new to BDSM.

OTK: Over the knee (spanking).

Painslut: A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may or may not necessarily enjoy submitting.

Paraphilia

Play party: A BDSM event involving many people engaging in Scenes.

ProDom: Male professional dominant (charges money)

ProDomme: Female professional dominant (charges money)

Ponygirl or Ponyboy: Sub is dressed in a pony outfit, with mouth bit and anal plug with a tail. They are told to prance or behave like a pony.

Puppy Play: Sub is made to act like a puppy. Sub barks, whines, eats from a bowl, etc. Such play is almost never sexual, but rather focuses on the altered mind-space of bottom/pup.

RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink

Rape fantasy: The pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being a victim to an act of consensual play-rape.

Sadism: The act of inflicting pain.

Sadist: Person who enjoys inflicting pain, usually sexually.

Safe, Sane and Consensual - SSC

Safeword - When a participant utters a safeword, BDSM activity stops.

Scat play: Feces play

Scene: A time period of BDSM activities.

Sensation play: BDSM play where the intent is to push people's sensory limits, thus exploring texture, sensory deprival, through to whips, flaggillation and edgeplay.

Session: A time period of BDSM activities with a ProDom/me.

Slave: Person who gives up a great degree of control in an ongoing D/s relationship, sometimes with few remaining limits. Often those who identify as "slave" have a great desire for being of service to their dominant, sometimes referred to as "service-oriented submission."

Slave Position: Also called The Pleasure Position. Sub is kneeling, legs spread, head down and hands on thighs, with palms up

Soft Limits: Something that someone is hesitant to do or nervous to try. They can sometimes be talked into the activity.

Subdrop: A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced by a submissive after an intense session of BDSM play. This can last for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.

submissive, or "sub" for short. Person that gives up control either all the time or only during a scene

Subspace: A "natural high" that a sub gets during a scene or when being controlled.

switch: Someone who likes being both Dominant and submissive, either in one scene or on different occasions.

Tease and denial: keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. Also see orgasm denial.

Top: Dominant person either all the time or only during a scene.

Topping from the bottom: A submissive who nonetheless wants to direct the top.

Training: Either referring to a short period of time (a scene) or an ongoing effort of the Dom/me teaching the sub how to act. Can either be a playful thing or a serious thing, depending on the couple.

Vanilla: Someone who is not in the lifestyle. Alternatively, sexual behaviour which does not encompass BDSM activity. The term is sometimes used in a derogatory sense.

Wannabe: Someone who thinks or claims to be knowledgeable about BDSM, but is not. Especially prevalent with new Doms.

WIITWD: What it is that we do. A broad term referring to all forms of alternative sexuality.

Wax play: The Dom/me drips hot wax on the sub.